Self-Focus or Sacrifice: What It Will Take to Rebuild the Mental Health of the Next Generation
“The repercussions of three generations of self-centeredness and a lack of empathy means parents are modelling selfishness to their children. This narcissistic parenting style is contributing to a rise in disorders of the self.”
In this paper, Erica Komisar assesses the rise of individualism and self-centredness, at the cost of family life. The paper examines the impact this has had on the mental health of children and explores the positive effect selfless behaviour can have. The paper sets out the choices and solutions for parents in the crucial early years and the re-stitching of our social fabric.
Summary of Research Paper
Over the last 70 years, there has been a shift away from a more relational, family-oriented approach to life to a more individualistic and self-centred one. The joy of responsibility for one’s own family and caring for others has been replaced by a focus on self: my ambition, my desires, my needs. This has led to a culture of instant gratification and a long-term crisis of loneliness and mental health challenges.
Freedom replaced responsibility. Young adults are prioritising materialism and achievements over relationships and the self-sacrifice of creating and giving to a family. A perception has grown that having children is a burden requiring sacrifices of time, money, and personal freedom. Even when they have children, many do not want to raise them themselves, but prefer to delegate that role to others.
This paper shows that this has contributed to the crisis in mental health we face today. It also shows that selfless behaviour is good for our mental health: the more one gives, the better one feels, and thus the more one gives. Giving does not just stem from happiness, but also produces happiness.
There are choices we can make and solutions we can adopt to turn this crisis around and strengthen the social fabric. Our children are not destined to suffer from narcissistic disorders of the self if we make different choices in how we raise them. Parents and other caring adults can do more to love their children unconditionally, and prioritise them, especially during the two most critical periods of their development—from 0-3 years old and from 9-25 years old.
We can all do more to model giving, loving, empathic and self-sacrificing behaviour. If we prioritise caretaking, love, and generosity to those dearest to us and to those in need, then our children will be the beneficiaries of our choices.
In our schools, we must teach ethical behaviour and encourage volunteering, and in our healthcare services, we must promote mental health in parents, which will benefit the children they are raising. Our governments should implement economic policies which support families to care for their children.
The crisis we face is dramatic and demands our immediate attention, to reverse the increase in selfishness and narcissistic disorders in children and adolescents. The way forward is not total self-sacrifice or total self-sufficiency, but interdependence: we need to feel cared for to want to care for others, and only then will others want to care for us in return. Reclaiming the instincts of giving, caring, nurturing, and sacrifice is attainable and within our reach. If we change ourselves, we can change the path for our children and, by doing so, change the world.
